


High as Hope

by patsandeels



Category: Holby City
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/F, Inspired by Florence + the Machine, Songfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-10-05 18:35:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17330297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patsandeels/pseuds/patsandeels
Summary: Song fics of Serena and Bernie, throughout the whole of their relationship, each based on the songs from the Florence and the machine Album High as Hope. Mostly canon compliant but with happier endings for the most part.





	High as Hope

**Author's Note:**

> Not beta read so let me know of any mistakes, comments are so so appreciated! I love this couple with all my heart and haven't quite gotten over them, or their ending yet.

_The show was ending and I had started to crack_

_Woke up in Chicago and the sky turned black_

_And you're so high, you're so high, you had to be an angel_

_And I'm so high, I'm so high, I can see an angel_

 

 Sitting beside Jason, despite the tubes and beeps of the hospital bed Serena felt that finally, just maybe, her little family was starting to come together at last. With Bernie at her side, and the hope of Elinor moving in, Serena could see a future, solid and full, with her daughter firmly a part.

 As she laughed softly at Jason’s straightforward honesty, Serena turned to see Bernie in the doorway. She knew at once and before she realised she was stood watching her daughter as she lay, unresponsive and still. The figure stood over Elinor shook their head, and Serena clung to Bernie’s hand as she felt everything fall apart in an instant. She went through the list as she had so many times before, breaking a little more with each word.

No corneal reflex

No respiratory effort

No ocular Vestibulo reflex

No gag reflex

 “I’m sorry, I have to ask, is she on the organ donor register?”

 As each moment and question came Serena felt herself becoming more and more distant. Lost, she felt such loss and fear and confusion, still as all coherent thoughts drifting away from her. She took the phone placed in her hands, the thought of having to tell what had happened overwhelming her, hitting her again. As she shook she felt Bernie holding her, grounding her until she stepped away, leaving them alone. Leaving her alone. Drifting away from it all, letting herself cry as she felt her daughter fly further and further away.

 

_I hear your heart beating in your chest_

_The world slows 'till there's nothing left_

_Skyscrapers look on like great, unblinking giants (oh)_

 

 Stepping slowly, Serena watched her hand shake as it clung to the banister. Elinor had gone, her spirit lost to her forever and her body moved from the room. As she moved she placed each foot deliberately, each step somehow an entire challenge despite having rushed up and down the steps so many times before in aid of patients and the hospital that she knew so well.

 She continued out of the great building, past the ambulances and people busy and unaware, turning right and turning at the corner of the building. She found herself sat on the bench, surrounded by the reassuring smell of cigarettes. She used to despise the smell and still hated the habit that Bernie clung to, but sat in the smoking area as she had with Bernie in so many difficult times before, she felt that small sense of security and stillness return, and so waited, feeling the hospital building leaning over her, drenching her in shadow and loss and fear.

 Giving into the exhaustion, she allowed herself to become detached, distancing herself from the noise and commotion of the hospital, she felt an arm move around her, and leaning into it she became still, held by Bernie, as she listened to the gentle, steady beat of her heart.

 If nothing else, if not Elinor, she did have this. She had Bernie 

 

_In those heavy days in June_

_When love became an act of defiance_

 

 As Bernie looked through the glass of the door, she watched as Serena sat, focused silently on the papers strewn before her, highlighter in hand, reliving the very moments that would hurt her forever. Her heart broke to think of the loss, and it was smashed to pieces as she saw what it was doing to Serena. Her Serena, the one who kept her strong through so much, now broken and weak.

 Now it was her turn to be strong, to help Serena even if she wanted to push away anyone who told her to stop, to be still, to grieve.

 But she loved Serena, so that was exactly what she had to do.

 She pulled the papers into one, taking them from Serena, desperately trying to remain level headed.

 “I can’t let you do this to yourself Serena”

 Taking the file from the table, Bernie felt them pulled back away from her, arms desperate and angry, as she lost control again, Serena’s grief taking over once again, Bernie’s love for her returned only with anger and fury. Wishing to hold Serena in her arms, she watched her leave the office, leaving her alone as she remembered the last time she had seen her own children.

 

_Hold onto each other_

_Hold onto each other_

_Hold onto each other_

_Hold onto each other_

 

As the doors of the lift opened, Bernie stepped forwards, catching Cam before he left.

 Over the years she hadn’t been as close to her children as she could have been, her career taking many moments they could’ve spent together away from them, but now her love for them was greater than ever. As she held him, saying goodbye as he left to find his own adventures, she held every moment in her memory, truly knowing now how precious these moments were.

 

_You were broken-hearted and the world was, too_

_And I was beginning to lose my grip_

_And I always held it loosely_

_But this time I admit_

_I felt it really start to slip_

 

The coat, the ‘walking’, the purse, the glass.

 The bottles.

 Sat in Serena’s chair, Bernie lost it, she couldn’t keep herself back any more. Always having to be there for Serena, stay strong for her, Morven had been right, it was tough, but it was worse still when Serena rejected the strength Bernie tried so hard to offer.

 As Serena tried to carry out the procedure in theatre, Bernie watched as her hands shook. Then, afterwards, the call from Edwards wife, Serena trying to get into the wrong car. For a moment Bernie could think of nothing but anger, infuriated by Serena’s behaviour, but then she saw her face, saw how broken she was.

 She knew then it was too much for just her to deal with it, telling Serena to do what she should’ve done long before, to see a professional.

 As Serena turned down her offer of a lift home, she accepted it - she still needed time and space, and it was okay (even if she did miss her more than she could ever say). Turning away, she heard Serena begin to speak again,

 “Bernie? You will come round later though?”

 Filled with gratitude, she stepped forwards and clutched her in her arms. A sense of hope flooded her, and a wave of relief followed. They were going to be okay.

 

_And choir singing in the street_

_And I will come to you_

_To watch the television screen_

_In your hotel room_

 

Draped leisurely against the window of Serena’s office, she hid behind the booklet of papers. Waiting for Serena, she stayed silent until she heard the door swing open and the voice she loved so much speak.

 “Quite right!”

 The look on Serena’s face when she surprised her never failed to fill her with joy, and the kiss that came after even more so. It was only a short stay she knew, but the thought of being with her love even if only for a night or two was overwhelming to her.

 Having spent so long apart, she wanted to spend every moment she could with Serena, even if that meant assisting in surgery after a nine hour long flight (it was her job after all), but what she wanted most of all, what she found herself wishing for most of all was for the mundane moments with her; little looks across the ward, early morning conversations over coffee, watching the television screen as Serena fell asleep on her.

 She just wanted to be with Serena.

 

_Hold onto each other_

_Hold onto each other_

_Hold onto each other_

_Hold onto each other_

 

The time when they had thought that they wouldn’t see each other again, when they had truly realised that Serena couldn't go back with her tore Bernie in half: it may only have been a little while, perhaps an hour at most, but it stuck with her forever.

 Waiting as Serena collected the car, she sat and thought, thought about Serena, thought about Elinor, about the baby, and about their future. Maybe it wasn’t quite the future she’d had in mind, wasn’t the future in which it would only be five weeks before she and Serena could truly be together, and instead was a future with quite a lot more waiting insight.

 Nevertheless, it was a future, and with a happy sigh she got into the car, home together for a few days at least, and she was going to make sure that they made the most of it.

 

_You're so high, you're so high_

_You're so high, you're so high_

_You're so high, you're so high_

_You had to be an angel_

_I'm so high, I'm so high_

_I'm so high, I'm so high_

_I'm so high, I'm so high_

_I can see an angel_

 

 Two years had passed since Bernie had left Serena for what they thought was the final time, and as she stepped out from the airport into the fresh (cold) air of england, she knew it was time.

 They had spoken a little on the phone, enough for her to know that Serena hadn’t been with anyone else, seriously at least, and that their love for each other was still there was clear.

 Bernie was ready now, ready to settle, ready to know Serena’s family - her family. Yes, she loved adventure, thrived on it, but she had found a job in Holby that would on occasion have offers of _short_ trips elsewhere, and that meant that for the most part she could work again with Serena, could be with her completely.

 Bernie could barely believe it, and neither could Serena when she found out, both so ready to truly be with each other, together in their own little heaven.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think!


End file.
